I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
