I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
