Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
