hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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