I can text with my tongue
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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