When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
