imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
