hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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