your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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