The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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