Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
