You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
