Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize