his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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