dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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