well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
