i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
