it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize