White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
