since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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