I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
