my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
