I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
