That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
