I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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