Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize