and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
