Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
