I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
