So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize