so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
