Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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