my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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