I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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