Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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