I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
