yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
