R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize