so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
