I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
