i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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