It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
