So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
