Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
