So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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