you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize