somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
