you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
