I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
