so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
