When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
