Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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