May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am one with the molecules
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
