I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
