i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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