i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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