If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
