I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
