You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
