I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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