it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize