It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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