i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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