What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize