I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
