By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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