First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
