dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
