I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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