So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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